1. Ask your partner how they would feel most loved by you this week. Most couples assume they know what each other wants, but often times this is based on an assumption or old information. Show your partner you are in tune with them by inquiring what they need from you this week. It might go something like this: “I love you very much and I am just checking in with you regarding your needs. How would you feel most loved by me this week? What would that look like for you if you felt love from me?” Ask them to be specific. It’s not enough for them to say “be nice to me.” Inquire at a deeper level. “If I were nice to you, what would I be doing?”
2. Show appreciation. We are in the habit of complaining. Complaining about what we are not getting or what our partner is doing wrong. Change your mindset for the day and focus on what you like about your partner. What you admire about them. What you are thankful for. THEN TELL THEM. Be specific. It might go something like this: “Thank you for picking up the kids from school. I love it that you make time for them even though you are swamped at work.” Or, it may reflect a long-standing quality about them that you haven’t voiced for some time: “It just occurred to me I haven’t told you for a while that I absolutely love your _____(fill in the blank here: body, hair, style, etc).
3. Make them their favorite meal or get them their favorite take-out. Nurturing your partner’s basic needs is a great way to show them you care about them. It will take them back to being taken care of when they were a child, and there is something very basic about our attachment to our parents nurturing that is still very much tied to our attachment with our adult loves.
4. Write them a little note and stick it in their car, briefcase, lunchbox, etc in the morning. This will help set the tone of the day. It doesn’t have to be long. Just a few lines about what you are looking forward to with them, a compliment, or maybe some encouraging words if they are going through a stressful time at work, school, home, etc.
5. Be mindful. What does this mean? Be aware of being in the moment with your partner. Put down your phone, computer, to-do list and give them your full attention. Ask them about their day in an open-ended way. Open-ended questions are those that do not allow for a yes or no answer in the way they are set up: “tell me about your day….” Or “What happened at work today?” is very different than “did you have a good day today?” The difference is very subtle but is does allow for a greater chance to have a deeper conversation. When they do open up, listen. Think back to the days when you first met and be curious about one another.